this is mine.

… or at least the spark notes version of my brain injury chapter so far

i was eight years old when i went to my first soccer practice. i wasn’t as skilled or as fast as my teammates, and i cried after getting hit straight in the face with a soccer ball twice in a row—but i was so excited to get to be part of it. ever since that fall day, soccer has had a huge impact on my life, even as its role has shifted with different seasons. playing soccer gave me teammates, friends, and coaches who influenced my worldview, courage to step into uncomfortable spaces, and a drive to work hard to be the best version of myself. but it also gave me five concussions, the fifth one greatly altering my life.

on a chilly and rainy evening early in the season my senior year of high school, i started playing a soccer game. the next thing i knew, i was waking up confused in a bed in an emergency room. to this day i have almost no memory of the events surrounding the injury. in the days following i felt much weaker than normal—unable to stand or walk for more than a few minutes without feeling exhausted. i felt very off-balance and dizzy, uncertain about what was happening around me, constantly sleepy, and entirely unsure of who i was.

not only did i feel like i had lost the one place where i knew i had felt most myself, but i couldn’t place memories or remember what was important to me. recalling simple things, like my favorite flavor of ice cream, proved difficult, and i kept confusing my middle name with my sister’s. this blankness and uncertainty were very scary, and i found myself wondering if my life still had any purpose and questioning whether it was worth finding out what my future would look like. thankfully, i was surrounded by amazing people whose encouragement helped me believe that, even though my future might not look the way i had imagined, it would still hold meaning. through months of speech and physical therapy, re-discovering who i am and what i value, re-learning how to learn, and pushing through setbacks from additional concussions, i slowly found my footing again.

while i still live with daily reminders of the injury—headaches, easily provoked dizziness and balance difficulties, sensitivity to light and sound, increased anxiety, and uncertainty about what the future will hold—i continue to strengthen my understanding of who i am and have developed a great passion for helping others enduring persistent symptoms after concussion. … and have continued to have soccer in my life as a coach : )